she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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