This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
