you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
