You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
