Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
