Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
