Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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