While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
