he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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