Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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