My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
