you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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