Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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