I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I would fuck him just for his dog
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
