I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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