she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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