I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
