He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
