Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
