She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
