i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
