Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
