Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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