made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
