But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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