Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
