I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
