$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
