I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
