We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
