First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
