when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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