her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
