sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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