I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
