I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
