Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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