Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
