i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she told me i tasted like america
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
