why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
