Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
