YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
