he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
