ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
