You made me cry and you don't even care
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
