I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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