i just had sex bonerless
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
