You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
