I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
