I think my vagina is haunted
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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